Sunday, 30 August 2015

Food addiction

Well I am fat and we all know that. The thing most of you don't know is I really struggle with this, I am trying to loose weight and have been for as long as I can remember the issue I have is i love eating and it makes me feel better.

When I can't sleep or my mental health issues are really playing up I eat more and more it numbs the pain. I realise this is not healthy and I also realise there are people on the other end of the eating spectrum who are also having a bad time. I don't want to belittle their struggle but I do want to highlight mine. So when you see me with a pie slap it out of my hand.

On a positive note I have started a health regime which I am really hoping I can stick to and that might help with my self image and stop the cycle of eating.

Stay safe speak soon

Saturday, 29 August 2015

So lonely

I have realised in recent weeks how lonely I am. I am happy with my life on the whole and the time I spend with my family is magical. The issue is I lack any kind of social life. I have found myself on a downward spiral again where I have started to isolate myself from the world. I know people but that's as far as it goes.

I am not sure if I keep my distance as a defence mechanism for me or the protect other people from my issues. I guess it's a bit of both.

I am looking forward to getting back to university at the end of September. I think I might try to make more of a effort on the social side this year. Although swaning around with a bunch of 20 year old really makes me feel my age.

I am struggling to get back to hockey as I am struggling to be around groups of people again which is really annoying me.


Catch you later Speak soon

Friday, 28 August 2015

Fybromyalgia from the partners perspective

My partner has been diagnosed with fybromyalgia for just over 2 years. I have my own issue but might go into them another time.

I feel while fybromyalgia is a real thing that there must be more that can be done. It's almost like the doctor writes it off after diagnosis and apart from med reviews cares little about it. This is frustrating as I want my partner to get better. I want her to have more energy I guess some of them reasons are selfish but mainly I want her to enjoy life again.

For me looking in I am becoming desensitised to her pain and at times I lack any patience with it. The reason for this I can only put down to the exposure to the condition. I feel guilty about it and this impacts me. I realise this is selfish but it's like watching oxfam adverts on TV all day every day. After a couple of hours the images woUldale not impact you anymore as you became desensitised to them.

I have spent 2 years reading blogs and medical research about the illness and find it amazing how many people are diagnosed.

While I try to support my partner as best I can I also realise that my own issue make this sparadic at best. I try to research and find thing to try but am often shot down with these ideas.

I want to be more supportive but really don't know how. I feel the relationship is under strain.

I will continue soon