Sunday, 24 April 2016

When illness is unallowed

This post takes me back to one i did a while ago about fibromyalgia. 

As i have mentioned in that post it is easy to feel guilty and resentful at the same time.
The issue i have at the moment is i feel (fully self imposed) that i am not allowed to be ill or tired as i dont have anything wrong with me (apart from some mental health stuff that i have had under control for a while now). I feel like if i am ill then its not real or does not count. Its not that i get ill alot its just even when i want to sat about hiw i feel (as we all do from time to time) its not really on the same level as shells issues.

Take care, stay safe


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Raise the main sail

I have spent the last few days pretending I'm a pirate. Well that's not exactly true. I have been down in Falmouth on a familiarisation trip. I spent 3 nights living on board "The Spirt of Falmouth" A tall ship belonging to Turn to starboard a Military charity helping retrain ex soldiers for a career as a yacht master.

They do so much more than that which could be almost impossible to write down and quantify. I came away on Saturday with sense of well being I have not had in years. I had started to come out of my shell and started to feel like myself.

While out on the water the worlds problems melted into the sea and I was untroubled. Time between moving sails left time for mindfulness and it was nice to be in the moment. The sense of belonging from just being on the boat while it was along side (I never knew that was the term for being at the marina until now) gave me a place I felt secure.

The lads who were on the boat, who have been with the charity for a while, were outstanding hosts. As were the office staff and volunteers that I met.
The experienced guys who joined us made it so we were always supported during any activity on deck. Of all the things I have done to help my personal mental health, this has had the biggest impact over the shortest time.
During the summer I am part of a team that are circumnavigating the British coastline with Turn to starboard. Thay are always looking for funding and donations so if you think you can help out then please get in touch with them so they can help more people. My issues around reajusting to civilian life are nothing in comparison with many of the people they help. It leaves me feeling like a fraud. I dont feel like i should even be allowed in the same room as these guys. I really have nothing to moan about in comparison. It really helped to put things in prespective. I really should just get over myself.

You can give here

Stay safe, speak soon
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Tuesday, 29 March 2016

Train shame prices

Well in early Feb I went sailing I I drove down in my own car. I am due to go again on the 4th of April for a week, this time however I am not taking the car due to shell needing it as the kids are off school so they can get out and about.

I looked at the prices of the trains and realised that they are quite expensive £187 from Warrington to Falmouth . that's just under 8 hour with 3 changes. It seems quite expensive.

Next I looked at coaches and again it was really expensive I had to go via London and it would take about 12 hours. I then remembered the young lad who flew home via Berlin because it was cheaper and after a couple of mins sure enough it was only £145 1 hour flight. Then I looked at onward travel and the train was the only option and nearly £40 and 2 hours!! Plus the train to the airport it seemed I was going to have to bite the bullet until I saw an advert for car hire. I did some price checks and found I could hire a car for less than £100 even with petrol it was cheaper than the train. I kept looking and eventually managed to rent a car for the week for £82. Fuel will be £70 at the most. It will be door to door and I will have access to the car all week. Not sure how this can be allowed to happen. I can even pay £1.25 to offset my carbon. I'm not sure how that works I guess they will plant a tree or something.

Well that's my rant over

Speak soon, stay safe


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Wednesday, 20 January 2016

The fate of civilisation

Is civilisation on the brink of collapse. The summery for what caused the fall of the roman empire is.

Economic collapse and the arrival of the barbarian hordes had a lot more to do with the end of Roman rule." In 'The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire', Edward Gibbon blamed the adoption of Christianity as the official religion and a decline in civic virtue as the reason for the collapse.

According to Philip Matyszak, a historian and author with a doctorate in Roman history from Oxford University in an article from the times. "No historian is going to argue that debauchery brought about the end of the empire,"

Well if that's the case and all civilisations have finally collapsed how far are we off the end of the current capitalist system?

In the last 10 I feel I have seen a decline in society on the whole. I realise a lot of this comes from savage cuts to council budgets. Some is due to the extra litter and general wear and tear on community people stop caring about how things look. Areas are starting to look desheveled. Community is almost non existent in many areas. People don't talk to neighbours, use local shops or even engage with community events.

This is leaving young people with lack of guidance to do what ever they want on the streets. The police are over stretched and over worked. With reduced powers. How long before organised crime becomes a more dominant force in the uk.

If you look at what happened to Rome they were complacent they were to strong and to big to fall. A bunch of untrained barbarians sacked Rome and brought the empire to its knees. Is there a modern day barbarian horde knocking on the doors? Well there could be but we are taking them seriously right? Well not really.

I am genuinely worried about any grandchildren I might have and how the world will look for them.

Anyways that's all folks

Stay safe, speak soon


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Essay writing for the uneducated (like me)

There seems to be no more scary a statement in my life than "the deadline is next week"

Well my tips to deal with this are simple.

1. Ignore the fact you have plenty of time to do this essay and concentrate on the fact that between now and the submission you have 3 hours of stuff planned in and you have no idea where you will find the time for it.

2. Plan to start at least 5 times but then spend an hour deciding on what to have on in the background on Netflix. Then watch the entire box set

3. Start writing essay making huge assumptions on what you think you know about the subject.

4. Look for quotes to back up your work and realise everything you have done is wrong.

5. Start again and rewrite ensuring you stick to the facts. Feel confident at your finished work.

6. Read assignment brief for the essay and realise both of your previous drafts are not even close to what you should be doing.

7. Edit and rewrite essay to crowbar it into brief. Realise this now makes no sense. Leave it alone for 36 hours.

8. Start again after watching Netflix before you start. Try to find last draft but realise you have lost your usb stick. Start from scratch

9. Write your essay read 10 time feel confident it makes sense.

10. Submit online and feel both smug and confident

11. Re-read essay and realise it is total nonsense. Cry until you see other people are not even started.

12. Go to the bar and belive charma will see you though

Stay safe, speak soon


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Monday, 18 January 2016

My big "blue" tool kit

Hopefully you made it through blue Monday intact yesterday. I had planned in advance to be busy so was okay

What next blue Monday is gone but y he nights are still and the weather still cold.

For me it's about focus. I like to set aside time to be glum. I know it's sound daft but I know the gloom is always just over my shoulder so instead of running or hiding from it I like to accept that it is there and give it 20 minutes every now and again. In doing that I take its power sometimes I even laugh about it.

Don't get me wrong it sneaks up on me and derails my plans from time to time but on the whole I know it's there but own it. I use it to fuel my creative side.

Being creative however you feel is a really good way to express your feelings. I write scripts or short stories mainly. Other people I know paint or do crafts or make music.

It is important to look and see if there is something for you.

If it's not creative it could be sport or another hobbie. It could be a combination of all of these. The most important thing is to build yourself a good toolbox that can support you.

For me mindfulness is key 3 dedicated 15 minute spots a day without fail. I brake them down into a physical check in the morning followed by a mental check around lunchtime. Then before bed I like to process my day. I try to pick 3 good things a day out and relive them in my head.

Sometimes good can be "I managed to get up" sometimes it might be "I won an Oscar" (okay that's not true, I always get overlooked for Oscars like De caprio)

I think you get my point in finding the victories in the day. If you find them it sets up tomorrow. It kind of spirals into better days, Better mood and Bigger plans. It's self propagating.

This is just how I do it. Another key skill is "turn your phone off" beds are for sleeping not stalking ex's on Facebook; or reading random blog posts.

Well that's it for now

Stay safe, speak soon


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Dealing with blue Monday

Did that blue Monday even existed.

It is easy to see why this would be a pretty low week for people. It's the end of the month so money is low. It's dark on the way to work and on the way home. That's enough to make most people glum

Well what can you do to pick yourself.

First thing I did was book onto a fitness class tonight at 7 that gives me something to look forward to.

Then I picked out a new radio station to listen to today I chose absolute 90s which has played some classics that have really picked me up.  Try listening to something new.

My next plan was planning my food for the day I know I have a curry to look forward to after my gym class.

mindfulness has played a big part in my day ensuring I am checking in new with myself during the day.

I have started to plan out and fill my week as I know if I get time for procrastination I will hit a spiral. That does not mean being busy all the time but it means have planned inactivity. Watch TV, reading a book.

I suggest reading a book and getting involved in #boysownbookclub. Have a look at my previous bolg post about it.

Anyway let me know how you are getting on and take care of yourself

Stay safe, speak soon