Friday, 3 November 2017

A bit of a dip

Hello. It has been a while since i blogged and thungs have been going well until recently. I have had a major dip in mood and my stress anxiety and depression are back with avengance.

I am struggling to focus and keep motivated. Luckily i noticed my symptoms sooner this time and managed to get to the doctors. After a quick referral to psychological i started treatment yesterday. I am in a dark place and feel lower than in years.

While i have been here before this time i also have the knowlege that i have climbed out of this hole before. I will keep you informed and let you know how i am getting on.

Remember its ok to talk you can get through and things can get better.

Stat safe, Speak soon


Monday, 31 October 2016

 I Just Don't Get It

I'm not sure what you guys think but this year more than any other i am struggling to get my head round XFactor and Strictly and the worrying thing is i don't think we are meant to. 

First off both shows are basically competing with each other. That pretty much a given. XFactor has long had the wild card Louie Act like Wagner or Jedward and to a certain extent he seems to be forgiven for that and it adds a element of fun. 

This years surviving novelty on the other hand Honey G seems not to realise that she is the Joke. I feel as though at some point she will realise that people have been voting in a ironic way in protest at the show. I might be wrong and maybe people think she is going to be the next break through urban artist. I have not found anyone as yet willing to back her in this way. It feels cruel. Its like inviting someone to a party just to slam the door in their face and i am uncomfortable that it might cause her some harm. On the other hand she could be fully aware of the situation. I have a sneaky suspicion that Honey G is a female version of Ali G and a character that has been created for the show. Whatever is happening there i just don't get it.

Then we have the pole opposite on Strictly with Ed "Glitter" Balls he knows he is no good and as such is putting in a ridiculous amount of effort. That Makes the whole thing kind of bearable. There is a question here though. are people voting because they see he is putting in the effort or is it another ironic vote. For me i think it started as the first and has become the latter but only time will tell. 

So as i look at answering my own question of which show is winning i think Strictly takes it but at the same time i cant help but watch the car crash that is Honey G and XFactor. The problem is i dont feel good about myself when i watch it. 

stay safe, speak soon


Don't forget to follow 

Friday, 9 September 2016

A little more reflecting

Hi how are you doing. I mean that comment and let me know its important to me

Well today i have finally got round to starting to sort the thousands of photos from the round Britain trip. Looking through them brings back some amazing memories. Like when we played pirates in scappa flow and the time we disowned big al for being a turn coat. All great memories. I wish by some amazing fluke i had got a photo of the lightening strike (apparently known as devils scorn but i cant find a reference t confirm it). There were sunsets and sun rises that are burned into my soul and will never leave me.  I have got some pretty cool photos and loads of great footage but its taking much longer to organise than i first thought it would.

As there is so much and i'm a nightmare on Facebook i thought i would set up a page with all my media type stuff could be posted. link is here

If you want to then please follow it.

I am a changed person and for me it feels like its for the better some of the people around me may not think so but i refuse to become what i was before this experience. I felt like a shadow and i struggled with lots of what life threw at me. This challenge has made things much more simple and things are less of a worry. When you feel well life can throw you curve balls but with your feet firmly on the ground you just hit them back.

well I'v droned on enough today

stay safe, Speak soon


Wednesday, 7 September 2016

Back to uni

I really need to be getting back to uni i am starting to fall apart due to lack of direction. If i could i would just be down in falmouth sailing but with a family its just not doable that makes me sad. Until freya runs in telling me about her day. Then i just feel guilty about having my own wants. I am going to take her on an adventure on saturday but cant decide where to go. Mountains are always good but i have a yearning for the seaside. I cant really decide what adventure i can have at the seaside with her.

Some of you know i have a real dislike of horror films and horror in general. I dont see why people enjoy it but ho hum live and let live. Why do i mention this you wonder to yourself. Well its easy really i watched "stranger things" over the last week and despite my dislike of horror i loved it i think mainly due to the geeky stephen king references and the lovely scene of the boys on the railway track like "stand by me"

It was good and is worth a watch. I have been playing with all my footage and photos from my sailing adventure and am close to a paper edit so i can get the whole thing done.

I did a quick edit that you can find on my page somewhere but its just quick cut to some music.

Well im off for now

Stay safe, speak soon


Sunday, 14 August 2016

Food addiction

I am addicted to food. It makes me feel better while i am eating then worse as i finish. Due to the fact i feel bad i eat which makes me feel better. Its a crappy addiction as you have to eat you cant go cold Turkey over the next 2 months i am going to document my eating and drinking habbits while writing about it in this blog. It is really so i just have a record of things but hopefully will help me control my addiction.

Saturday, 30 July 2016

All over bar the shouting

After completing the challege of the last few months i feel i should reflect on what we achived.

We set out from falmouth and were face with a huge challenge right from the start when spirits engine gave way and saw us towed back to falmouth. After a strip down and semi perminant rebuild in falmouth spirit again made her way alomg the south coast of Britan to fail with a massive gear box failure.

After building relationships and being taken to heart the peope of the isle of wight will always hold a special place in our hearts. The mamouth leg round to newcastle was a thing of beauty the should have songs written about it that get sung in the halls of Valhalla. We crossed the pentland firth after great avice from locals that no chart or book could have given us. The Orkneys brought a glimps of how the world should be with community being at the heart of the islands. My faith in humanity was restored when the local fishing and diving community mobalised in the early hours of a sunday morning just incase we need help as sprits engine was again playing up. People stopped their lives in order to make sure we random weary strangers were safe.

We visited the westen isles and the hebrides and saw sunrises and sunsets on all coasts of the country. We ran fro. Storms and hid in an idelic loch where thousands of jelly fish sourronded the boat. We got caught in storms and struck by lightening. We saw dolphins and whales and killer octopus.

We visited random war graves and walked on beaches less trodden. We explored castles and woodland walked mountains and crossed streams. When the adventure was near someone went to find it. We spread the word about Turn 2 starboard and we made contacts and learnt tips and trick galour.

We did all this with a feeling of being part of something special. We did it with pride. We walked the walk and we talked the talk. We sailed for days stright to spend time in isolated locations. I have lived more in the last few months than at any time since i left the army. I owe thanks to the charity and bigger thanks to my amazing Michelle for giving me the chance to follow my dream.

At the start i was scared about how i would cope. About what would happen and about who i would be at the end of it. I was nervous about meeting people and not being liked. I was fearful of storms both physical and emotional.

I found new friends, a new family a new passion but more than that i found myself. I was there all the time just hiding in the corner of my eye. I have been happy , sad, board and exilirated. I have traveled a path that has led me to new place in my life. I'v become comfatable in my own skin.

Going back to the real world after this will not be easy. Thing will stay where you put them and the shop will be round the corner. I will have changed. I can already feel a need for adventure coursing through my veins.

Would i do anything differently? Well obviously there is one obvious thing that would need to happen next time. As we leave falmouth to travel around the country. Lets remember to turn to starboard and go the right way

Stay safe, Speak soon


Thursday, 21 July 2016

Day 9

A spirit update - approching the Isle of Wight. Making good progress i think they will be caught up in a about 36 hours

Its been a bag of mixed fortunes since we slipped from Falmouth with some lovely sailing and some motoring through rough seas. There have been highs and lows in the weather and in mood. I have learnt so much on my way round and feel i am really getting the hang of sailing. I am understanding the complexities of setting sails for wind and helming under pressure. Tomorrow will tell as we will hopefully catch the wind and be well on the way to newcastle.